For those who think TeleFlora’s verbally abusive bouquet delivered the most offensive lines of the Super Bowl, behold the purple prose of Heineken’s Warrior...
Turturro: Every man is champion of his own legacy. That which a man chooses to believe, is his reality. That what a man chooses to drink, is his destiny. This is not a beer, this is a sword. Wield it with honor... or cut yourself off.
What the hell does that even mean? What we drink is our destiny? What we drink is what’s cold and sitting in the door of the fridge. Drop the bullshit machismo and check the ingredient list, John. It most certainly is a beer. Says so right on the label.
Copywriters be warned: now is the time for clear, compelling language. No more bullfights and storm-tossed seas.