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I subscribed to satellite radio for the programming. Little did I know that with my paid
subscription they would throw in a Walmart-worthy makeover.
Of course I knew the hundreds of channels would put multiple
takes on enlightenment at my fingertips – things like Martha Stewart tips,
Cosmo Sex and the City-ish musings, even Deepak Chopra’s prescriptions. Guidance on the dial if I wanted it.
What I didn’t expect was all the advice I didn’t want but
couldn’t avoid.
This is the dubious advice normally peddled on late night
cable. The kind of ads that promise to enhance every body part and cure every
anxiety for just pennies a day – which
is, in fact, what many of them pay the broadcaster for every gullible citizen
who responds (instead of buying the air time).
Listening to an hour of the Situation Room on CNN or CNBC's
documentation of the economic meltdown exposes me not only to Secretary Henry
Paulson, but also to lawyers promising impossible tax relief, amazing schemes
which allow one to work from home for just a few hours to earn hundreds of
thousands of dollars and a fast-talking woman who maintains you can STILL make
money in real estate. One of my
favorites is the guy who promises that with his tips you can “literally
slaughter the competition.” That may, of
course, be coming.
And if you’re one of the very few not worried about your
bank account, what about your body? Have
you heard how your colon wall gets clogged with organic items just like
Spackle? Or that you can increase the size of various body parts with topical
rubs…at approximately 14 seconds, you will feel a burning sensation… Or that
you can increase your reading speed 1000 times with just seven minutes of brain
exercise a day?
The effect of all this
– annoying as it is – is accidentally revealing. Today, in America, someone seeks this
advice. Someone else makes money with
this advice.
In fact, any time of the day or night on satellite radio you
can get the State of the Union two ways - officially from the press corps and society’s elites and unofficially
in :30 increments from various con artists and schemers who do something less
than make this country great.
This unlikely programming mix paints a dismal tableau –
snapshots from the macro financial crisis being vetted in Washington to the
micro crises debated in our living rooms – a most holistic and depressing
portrait of American well-being from the top to the bottom.
Feel better yet?
Think of it as added value for your subscription dollar, take 2 aspirin
and call me in the morning.
To the candidates: Are you tuned in?
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