Unbound Edition - Attention Deficit Theatre: “Mad Men,” Season 2, Episode 6

Leave your soul at the door, grab a bottle of whiskey, and watch as the Unbound Edition Players present their entire performance of “Maidenform” from outside, their sad little noses pressed against the window.

Scene: Don Draper’s office. The team is gathered around for a discussion about Playtex.

Duck: After that whole American Airlines debacle, my career is in total freefall. Let’s steal Maidenform’s strategy for Playtex.

Salvatore: Why yes, yes I do. I find the straps stay in place even while I mambo, and the lace is so delicately stitched, and…

Duck: Let’s give the client something they totally don’t want. It’ll be just like American Airlines.

Chauncey: Woof! Golly, I’m so happy to see you! It’ll be just like old times. Nothing but love and loyalty here, eh?

Duck: Hi, boy! Hi, Slugger and Princess! Everyone in our family must have a really annoying nickname. Planter for a Hat, why are you dumping them on me so damn early?

Arthur: Who? Oh, her. Dunno. I haven’t seen you riding lately. It’s my fault.

Arthur: Ride when you want. I’ll stay away. Yes, ride, ride ride. Hard. Fast and hard.

Host: Hey, it’s time for the dinner auction. But first, let’s pay tribute to our veterans. Stand up, servicemen.Hey, Lester over there was a Rough Rider!

Lester’s arms: Dude, it is so uncool to make us hoist this guy up. Shake shake. Shimmy shimmy.

Sally: Yay! My dad is a noble war hero! No ethical breaches whatsoever. Go, Daddy!

Don: I have to go. People are um, working at the office. Yessirree, I need to check on them.

Bobbie: Why, hello. There’s been a change of plans. I’m spending the day at the beach with my son.

Bobbie: Yeah. He’s 18. I don’t know why I didn’t bring him up earlier. I guess I was having too much fun being sexually assaulted or nearly killed by your drunk driving. Anyhoo, my husband’s out of town, so come down to the beach house to meet me.

Pete: So remember that Clearasil idea you came up with yesterday, only I slapped a lame tagline on it? My father-in-law totally dug it. Especially the tagline.

Pete: So the libraries were all closed yesterday. What did you possibly find to do, Pencilneck?

Pete: Hey, wanna know the ending of “Who Shot Liberty Valance?” Wow, I’m chipper. Are you still living in that apartment in Brooklyn where I violated you on your first day here? Natter natter. Who were you with yesterday?

Duck: Here, kids, drink this piping hot cocoa. It’s smart to do that when it’s 100 degrees outside. I have very wise judgment.

Duck: Um, what? Are you sure you’re not just having heat stroke? Here, have some more boiling water. Heating pad, anyone?

Princess: And we’re dumping Chauncey on you. Our new dad is allergic to him. It’s your dog anyway.

Chauncey: Oh boy! Lookee me, back with my old dad. The fun we’ll have chasing sticks and hiking and collecting stamps. This is the best day of my whole life!

Paul: So we all went out to a bar and got wasted last night and brainstormed Playtex.

Paul: Did you guys just hear something? Anyway, my genius idea is that women have two fantasies: Jackie and Marilyn. Because neither one will ever become a tragic figure or anything.

Freddy: You shouldn’t be in a bar. Now go write some titillating copy. Huh huh. I said “tit.” Want to hear me play my zipper?

Scene: Later at the office. Pete’s in the elevator when a high-haired blonde appears.

(The blonde turns on the t.v. to drown out noise of her frolicking with Pete. It’s some sort of ad or program about airplanes.)

God: Oh, for my sake. Don’t insult my face like that, Matthew Weiner. You’re just bitter about your name, aren’t you?

Joan: You want to be taken seriously? Start dressing like a tramp. It’s done wonders for my career.

Scene: Later in the conference room. Don is pitching the campaign to the Playtex guys.

Don: Check it. The bra is called the Harlequin. It comes in black and white. Here’s the same model, dressed as Jackie, and then Marilyn. “Nothing fits both sides of a woman better than Playtex.” You may worship my genius now.

Client: That’s neato and all, but our sales are good when we talk about fit. Let Maidenform own women’s imaginations.

Don: I couldn’t agree more. Ahem. (Laser eyes burn the flesh off of Duck’s chest.)

Clients: Hey, we’d love to show you our appreciation by entertaining you. How can we make this whole thing more awkward?

Scene: That night in the office. Duck and Chauncey walk into a random guy’s office.

Chauncey: I’m making my eyes as big and cute as possible. Don’t do it, man. Think of everything we’ve been through together. We’re all we’ve got, buddy. Put the bottle down.

Scene: A few minutes later in the lobby. Duck is walking Chauncey out on his leash.

Chauncey: Lookee you, dry as a popcorn fart. I’m so proud. What should we do now? Go get pizza? Maybe ride go-karts? Or how about…

Chauncey: Oh no you di-int. I am so totally going to get in your house and poop in your shoes.

Bobbie: Oooh. You’re as good as they all say. You have lots of fans. Quite a reputation.

Don: Why, I suddenly have morals and will get up and stomp around. Yessiree, I am pissed. Does it make you feel better to think I’m like you? (He ties her other arm back.)

Don: I told you to shut your piehole, woman. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have an identity crisis.

Scene: That night at Tom Tom, the local strip joint. Peggy walks in, all dolled up, and joins the boys.

Client: You’re staying all night. Here, get on my lap and tell me what you want for Christmas!

Don’s pink towel: I miss Buddy Hackett, too. There, there. Would you like to spoon?

I’m not sure why Don finally developed a conscience in this episode, but let’s see how long it lasts. The whole theme obviously was about how the characters see themselves and each other and it was well done. It was nice to see Peggy lose the hideous bangs and Holly Hobby garb. But, Duck, how DARE you do that to your dog? I hope you spiral out of control soon so we all can dance on your grave. We’re bitter like that.

Here’s a preview of next week’s episode, “The Golden Violin.” I doubt Jimmy will have any luck with Betts, but it looks like Roger will be having a heart attack on little Jane any day now.

For more posts by Kristin Ament, including Attention Deficit Theater recaps of all "Mad Men" episodes, click here.

And for more big love for Mad Men, visit our friends over at Basket of Kisses.

My Two Favorite Quotes
written by michele77, September 03, 2008 10:06 PM

Paul: Did you guys just hear something? Anyway, my genius idea is that women have two fantasies: Jackie and Marilyn. Because neither one will ever become a tragic figure or anything. AND

Don: Holy crap. You have another secret kid? Who are you, Sarah Palin?

Fabulous
written by Kay, September 03, 2008 10:09 PM

Another fabulous interpretation!

...
written by PR, September 04, 2008 12:02 AM

Loved the opening - leave your soul at the door.
Loved the Palin line!
I think Pete is looking more and more like PeeWee Herman, especially in that apron.
It is hard to picture Bobbie as a mom or her husband as a dad. They both seem too selfish. Wonder what the kids are like.

Does anyone know why Pete was so chatty with Peggy in her office? Previous conversations have been, "let's do it," or weird stories of his fantasies.

Unseen and Uncut
written by TJ, September 04, 2008 12:39 AM

Great work, Kristin. Here are some alternate scenes from the cutting room floor.

Scene: In the Blonde's apartment
Pete: When I first saw you I thought you were foreign.
Blonde: My people are Nordic.

Scene: Don and Duck meeting in Duck's office.
Duck: In the war I tripped down some stairs. My C.O. lied about it to the men, but I told them the truth.
Don: Who am I in this story? Do I get killed in the explosion, or do I assume the dead soldier's identity? I guess when you try to forget, you forget everything.

And some predictions for upcoming episodes:

1) Jimmy finds out about Bobbie's affair with Don. Bobbie tells him she's doing research for a new TV show concept: "How to get a head in advertising." (Vicki: Head.)

2) Couch cushions get together to compare stains.

3) The blonde model grows progressively larger through the rest of the season. Matt Weiner throws out a red herring on public radio by stating, "There is something physically happening to her, and it is happening upstairs." Oh, wait, that's been done... http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=14124179

4) After enjoying his freedom in Manhattan, Chauncey is seen running back to the offices of Sterling Cooper when, suddenly, he is attacked by a flock of homing pigeons. Betty gets out the BB gun.

Pete Wee Herman
written by Champion Snow Machine Driver, September 04, 2008 08:08 AM

You're so right, PR. Pete is very Pee Wee-esque. I thought his reaction to Extreme Makeover Peggy was perfect. He much prefers Fat Suit Peggy, who couldn't possibly attract anyone else's attraction. Now he's all threatened. Can't wait for the blonde to not keep his baby in nine months.

...
written by carocat, September 04, 2008 01:03 PM

Great stuff. Chauncey is the best MM character EVER!! He will go on to write a best seller: "When Bad Things Happen to Good Dogs".

I have "shut it," but only because I am in awe!
written by Pencilla Skirtstein, September 04, 2008 06:06 PM

As Bobbie might say, looking up from her kneeling position: "I am not worthy!" Amazingly great synopsis; you took an actually pretty good script and gave it, I don't know, REAL CLASS! I particularly like that empowerment thing you gave to Chauncey ... (Anyone notice that Blonde Model in Elevator looked, sounded, delivered her lines, and did that quasi-lispy thing exactly like Betty? oooooh - foreshadowing gets me so excited!)

Bobbie's Babies
written by Pencilla Skirtstein, September 04, 2008 06:40 PM

Oh yeah, on her Sudden Son and Dredged Up Daughter? I don't think they exist. Everybody sing along with me: "Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf, Virginia Woolf..."

duck soup
written by sonofkato, September 04, 2008 09:05 PM

very weird episode--we're asked to sympathize with duck and then he abandons the dog...i assume weiner and company realize that they may as well have portrayed duck as a serial killer...

bowing at the altar of TJ
written by Kristin, September 05, 2008 03:39 PM

I can't get over the genius that is "How to Get a Head in Advertising."

Show Biz
written by TJH in NYC, September 05, 2008 03:41 PM

The smart money says that "Chauncey" shows up in a cameo role in the next Colin Hanks vehicle. He already has quite a profile.

Kristin - all your recaps are genius! You add the humor that is missing in these episodes.
written by PR, September 06, 2008 12:10 AM

The first season of MM was fun, humorous, and sometimes serious. We recognized the absence of computers to track someone's identity, women were expected to stay in their place (the home) without complaint, while men were expected to bring home the bacon and discipline the kids. Little things trigger memories - the dry cleaning bag (Betty looked at her daughter and said, "I hope my dry cleaning is not on the floor), the gun, the sexual harassment, the drinking, the unwanted pregnancy, the pantyhose issue, and all those titillating ads that seduced us into buying something.

As a child of the 60s, it is interesting to relive those years and compare it to where we are now. Season 2 is missing something, oh yeah, the humor (are we watching the Sopranos?). Don is not just having affairs; his cruelty comes out - where does this come from? Fear? We don't seem to have the nice people who are trying to carry on with the 50s style of innocence (Crème de Menthe and the Polka); instead it seems that everyone is frustrated with their lives, their spouse, and/or their work. Perhaps many people were confused, but why the mean streak? "Damn that Weiner."

We have a trifecta
written by Marcel Marsowhat, September 07, 2008 03:34 PM

I had to stop reading three times I was laughing so hard. And why, you ask?
1) God: Oh, for my sake. Don’t insult my face like that, Matthew Weiner. You’re just bitter about your name, aren’t you?

2)Don: Who have you been talking to? Midge?
Bobbie: No.
Don: Rachel?
Bobbie: No.
Don: Funnyman Buddy Hackett?

3) Chauncey: Oh no you di-int.

I swear to the Baby Hey Zeus, someone needs to publish all of these in a printed book. Pure genius.

...
written by PR, September 08, 2008 02:13 AM

Just watched 6.3 (Pacific time), WOW, Jimmy really set them up. Looks like he got the last laugh. Who was put in his place this time? Poor Betty.
Loved the litter-bug scene. Jane is an odd one..will she end up as the new Mrs. Sterling?

Argh
written by Tracy, September 08, 2008 08:12 AM

Could have done w/out the Sarah Palin comment. Was enjoying the site until I read that. Sorry, but it was a cheap shot. BTW, do you work for US Magazine too?

Word.
written by Pat Buchanan, September 08, 2008 08:41 AM

Yes, Kristin, please mock the big bad liberals next week. And, Tracy, do you really think she would stoop to working for US Magazine? She's with the National Enquirer. You can thank her for outing John Edwards as that blonde trollop's baby daddy.

Republican support for the UE Players!
written by Blisstex, September 08, 2008 08:48 AM

Tracy, I too like Palin, but these posts, like the shows themselves, are satire, right? They're about playing with stereotypes and pop culture depictions of women, men, politicians, eras in American history. This wasn't a Palin "hatchet job." It was just a baby joke.

Kristin, if there's an "old man" joke I'd expect a McCain reference. Gasbag joke, Biden. Style over substance joke, Obama. And I'd welcome a secret baby daddy attribution to Edwards. I can't imagine these posts would be very funny or insightful if she was egg-shelling through them every week, afraid to offend someone.

...
written by Tracy, September 08, 2008 11:17 AM

Perhaps the baby joke would have worked better w/ a John Edwards reference rather than Palin? I think it was an opportunity to take a cheap shot at the expense of trying to categorizing it as 'satire'. Sorry, I have a great sense of humor, but I found that 'satire' unfunny and unnecessary. JMO.

those republicans are so sensitive!
written by Nadine, September 08, 2008 11:19 AM

Holy Non-Aborting Mother Mary of God, Tracy! Get a funny bone in ya - I bet it would help, if you know what I mean. Sarah Pablum is a lightening rod for commentary, good and bad, and partly because her family planning advice is so glaringly retarded, what with a 5 month old Down's baby at mid life (who could have predicted that!?) and a preggers kiddo, seeded by a "fuckin redneck" who doesn't want kids. Sorry a little jab at the facts ruffled your knickers. Really, get a sense of humor already. Oh wait, you are a republican, so it's all judgmental sneering all the time. Forgot about that. (BTW: MadMen is a spoof, in case you didn't get that -- and Don and Betty are NOT role models, even if they are white and rich).
FOOL.

Chill out Nadine
written by Tracy, September 08, 2008 11:52 AM

Oh I have a funny bone, don't cha worry about that. I happen to be a fucking hilarious conservative FYI. I stated my opinion, don't like it, tough shit Nadine. BTW, I know Mad Men is fiction and never did I think Don and Betty were role models (where in the hell did you get that w/ my comment?)...oh i forgot, some of you unhinged, collective, hive minded liberals tend to ramble w/out making much sense. I get it now.

...
written by PR, September 08, 2008 12:11 PM

Tracy - "Hive minded?" Are you referring to Palin's hairdo.

Suggestion
written by TJH in NYC, September 08, 2008 01:08 PM

Now that this place has evolved into a political blog -- after a fashion -- might I suggest that we at least make some effort to couch our current opinions in the time period of Mad Men?

I'll start (but with a twist): Since "Don Draper" seems to a bit troubled with decade-old flashbacks, I'd like to go back just a few more years and quote President Harry S. Truman. It seems to me that today's "aggrieved party" (READ: Republicans) might once again be on the receiving end of Truman's great bon mot via Senator Obama's speeches: "I never give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it's hell."

Talk about vomiting on a nice vehicle:
written by Pencilla Skirtstein, September 08, 2008 01:21 PM

Hey Tracy, feel free to write yourself out of this script.

Cliche
written by Bill O'Really, September 08, 2008 01:51 PM

Ug. Are we really having this tired debate with those same, silly Republican and "Democrat" talking points? The joke was timely, and it apparently missed for some. Strangely, it would have been no less a cheap shot had she said Edwards, but I doubt anyone would have cared. Let's move on, and stop making this hilarious commentary solely about one throwaway line.

I'm a republican, and I didn't take any offense, Nadin. The only offensive thing here is the overreactions and political name-calling I've read in the comments...

By the way, Pencilla, you win for best subject line of the season.

Are we back to MadMen, now?
written by Damp Duvet, September 08, 2008 02:20 PM

This is the place I go to avoid political bickering. Hope we can keep it that way. I just want to talk about the new episode...

This was easily the best episode of this season, if not both. The Jane/Joan conflict was perfect. Salvatore, Kenny, and Kitty... total cringe. And I love Jimmy now. He went from uppity, crass potty-mouth drunk to sensitive underdog giving as well as he got. Genius.

Who ratted to Joan about the visit to Cooper's office? No one saw them, right?

I like how Weiner is replacing Joan with Jane... first at Draper's desk, then as the cleavage queen, now with Sterling. She's just as I imagine Joan was, fresh out of school. Also a nice touch not to have Sterling say anything to Joan before Monday.

Similarly, I like how Weiner is slowly replacing Don with the dynamic duo. Usually Don is seducing clients with his pitch... Now we see the yoots winning the business, and Don being put out to stud in his tux and Cadillac.

I bet Kristin with ten minutes left in the episode that Salvatore, drunk, was going to bring the lighter back to Ken's apartment and lean in to kiss him. We were squirming at the thought...

On a more relevant note
written by Nadine, September 08, 2008 07:34 PM

Joan's boobs were absolutely huge this episode. Anyone else notice?

What Would Jackie Do?
written by Midwest Expresso, September 08, 2008 08:38 PM

Kristin outdid herself in her rendition of Episode Five!

Regarding the bickering:
1st Offense: Betty tells Don to make you stop it.
2nd Offense: Horsie ride with Roger.
3rd Offense: Don, Peggy and Duck abandon you.

Salvatore's zipper is really playing a show tune for Ken! For some reason I really liked Kitty. She seemed normal (except for that being married to a gay guy thing). I loved their apartment.

Did Jimmy call "the Draper residence" as a subtle message to Don? We know where to find you?

Don was smart to bring in Hans and Franz. I think Don has to be acutely observant and stay one step ahead of the game because he has no past to fall back on. Everything else in his life seems to be closing in on him this season.

I also wondered who tattled on Jane. Is Harry still sleeping there? Was Joan herself lurking around? Chauncy?

To The Point
written by TJH in NYC, September 09, 2008 09:03 AM

Joan's boobs were absolutely huge this episode. Anyone else notice?

As Jack Kennedy would've said: "Er..yes."

(Are we still doing that couching our comments in the time period of Mad Men thing? No? My bad.)

...Addendumb
written by TJH in NYC, September 09, 2008 09:08 AM

...Sorry, Nadine, the italicizing didn't take on my last post. I was not appropriating your relevant note as my own. Heaven forfend. As they say, "That relevant note is you."

...
written by Tracy, September 09, 2008 09:30 AM

"Hey Tracy, feel free to write yourself out of this script."

Very happy to oblige. Carry on.

we three forgive
written by Nadine, September 09, 2008 05:03 PM

TJH, darling, dear, lovey. Nadine and her boobs forgive you. Joan and hers would have simply pointed, turned, pointed again, and walked away.

The Aggrieved Party?
written by Laurie B., September 10, 2008 01:19 PM

Tracy, TJH is wrong. The Aggrieved Party is certainly the Democrats. The know they've got another 8 yrs before they hope to take on the White House. They're just getting pissy with us. Let 'em scream; that's what they do best.

Jane
written by Laurie B., September 10, 2008 01:21 PM

The AMC website says Jane was only hired for 2 episodes, so she's gone.

I'm Going To Take Damp Duvet's Advice And...
written by TJH in NYC, September 10, 2008 02:19 PM

"...avoid political bickering." But, I will say that after the last 8 years of the most egregious trampling of the Constitution and stunningly breathtaking incompetence -- a combustible Daily Double if ever there was one -- I would give our beloved "Betty" a run for her money, puke-wise, if the GOP won again. Oops, sorry, I guess I slipped again. Y'see, I've been spending all day chasing after my pig trying to apply its lipstick and, well, I guess I'm just not myself. Now, about that Revlon account...

I'm with Damp Duvet
written by Rondi, September 10, 2008 02:31 PM

For the record, I am not American, but I like Palin and your other candidates. I think you have an enviable selection. And I believe Palin's decision to have a disabled child is a beautiful thing to be commended, not criticized. But, can we STICK TO MAD MEN? Please? I already had to leave one Mad Men blog because of political bickering.
Again, I am with Damp Duvet in that I really like Jimmy Barrett now! I never thought that would happen. Further points: I hope Jane is not gone -- I love watching Joan squirm. I want Pete and Trudy to adopt Chauncey (Trudy needs someone to love and I found that Chauncey storyline extremely upsetting. I want the poor dog to find a home!).
Kristin -- thanks. Lots of laughs, as usual.

Arg!
written by Blisstex, September 10, 2008 02:50 PM

Why are we chasing away people who enjoy these posts because of their political affiliation? No one is changing any minds, and we've heard these same jabs thousands of times, already. I'm fairly certain there are other blogs begging for our opinions on lipsticked pitbulls and bridges to nowhere. In fact, I'll help direct you... http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/10/obama-strikes-back-on-con_n_125338.html

I'm only trying to protect one of the few blogs I value... Please don't turn this into Thanksgiving at my parents' house.

yeah, Blisstex!
written by Rondi, September 10, 2008 02:56 PM

Exactly!

No More Heart-Rending Words Have Ever Been Written On This August Blog Than...
written by TJH in NYC, September 10, 2008 03:01 PM

"Please don't turn this into Thanksgiving at my parents' house." I have seen the light Blisstex. From now on, I will only crack wise in direct reference to the weekly debauchery known as Mad Men.

Well, I'm a libertarian and I thought it was funny.....
written by Mike, September 10, 2008 09:26 PM

I'm a libertarian, I really like Sarah Palin, and I thought the line was hysterical. If we can't laugh at ourselves, who can? Besides, to make it so far into the pop culture so fast means you have arrived, so if I was Palin I would take it as a big compliment. And where the blank is Episode 7? I've been pinging the site all day.....Kristin, just keep doing what you're doing, and I too think this should be collected into at least an e-book.