Unbound Edition - Attention Deficit Theatre: “Mad Men,” Season 2, Episode 5

Break out your specimen collection cups and toast the Unbound Edition Players as they present “The New Girl.”

Dr. Stone: Hey. I’m Dr. Stone. As opposed to Dr. Rocks, which would be the most obvious testicular pun ever. Thank you, show writers.

Trudy: I’m rich and well-connected. And, judging from the way I speak, I clearly have something shoved up my butt.

Scene: A few minutes later in the doctor’s office. Pete is meeting with him privately.

Pete: Well, I do worry about bombs. And the economy. And I work as high-powered account man. And my in-laws suck. Oh, and my dad just died. And sometimes I have a hard time peeling the plastic off of my cheese slice. And do these pants make my butt look big? Mother of God, make it all stop!

Joan: Check it, beeyotches. I’m engaged! Oh, hey, Mr. Draper. Bobbie Barrett’s on the phone.

Bobbie: Hi. I’m drunk. We just sold the pilot for “Grin and Barrett.” Come celebrate with me at Sardi’s. Maybe you can threaten and violate me again. I have no pride.

Rachel: Actually, it’s Mrs. Katz. This is my sweet, but ferret-like husband, Tilden.

Bobbie: I have a little place on the shore. I want to have you on the beach. I want to feel the cold sand on my back. The surf pounding behind us.

Bobbie: I’m totally wasted. Here, take a swig from this open bottle of whiskey, what with you being behind the wheel and all.

Car radio: I’m playing the theme from “A Summer Place,” an obvious cautionary tale about adultery. Dooooo-do-DO-do-dooooo…

Cop: Your “wife” says the whiskey was hers, but you were at the legal limit of .15 percent.

(Don rifles through his wallet and picks up the phone. Later, we see a woman’s shoes as she walks into the police department.)

Peggy: Bitch, don’t hurl in my car. And, Dick, I put two bucks of gas in this to save your sorry ass.

Peggy: Oh, I’ll forget it, buddy. But don’t be a tool to me because I remind you of it.

Don: I was in an accident. I didn’t want to wake you. But it’s totally not my fault. I have really high blood pressure, see, and my medicine reacted with some drinks, see, and I rolled the car. Yes, yes. That is entirely what happened. Woe are my sad little thumper and I.

Betty: Oh, for God’s sake. While I do have the mental capacity of a turnip, even I can see through this one. Der.

Peggy: Here’s some food. I’m bitter and will go lay down because I’m tired.

Peggy: Do you have a headache? A little boy in our neighborhood hit his head on a swingset and died.

Scene: Bathroom at the fertility doc’s office. Pete marches in to take care of business.

Scene: Sterling Cooper. All of the guys are leering at Don’s hot new secretary, Jane, who conveniently has her shirt unbuttoned.

(Fred proceeds to play his zipper to the tune of Mozart’s “Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.”)

Bobbie: Listen, girlie. You have to treat Don as an equal. You can’t be a man. Don’t even try. Be a woman. Sport durable jackets. It’s powerful business when done correctly. Dig?

Bobbie: Be big and strong. Don’t be a pansy. Now how do I get to Grand Central from here?

Trudy: Dr. Stone’s office called. Your swimmers were the envy of the sperm bank. Positively Phelpsian.

Pete: That’s a relief, I do say. Check me out, the poster child for virility. Woo, don't stand too close, lest you spontaneously conceive!

Pete: Oh, right. You. Yeah, you’re broken. Maybe the doctor can blow up your ovaries or something. I dunno. Kids suck the fun out of everything anyway, so maybe we're lucky that you're barren.

Pete: Look, hag, I just did a very private thing in a very public place. I’ve never done that before.

Scene: Peggy’s apartment. She’s flashing back again to when she was in the hospital.

Don: Yep. You got a promotion and split. Your mom said you were quarantined with TB. That didn’t help. What’s the deal?

Don: Do whatever they say. Get out and move on. It will shock you how much it never happened. Leave that soldier’s charred corpse on the field and steal his identity and live a lie as Don Draper.

Scene: The next day in Don’s office. He’s meeting with Pete and Salvatore on a client project.

Don: Oh, my bad. I guess when you forget something, you forget everything. Here.

Ketchup bottle on the table: Psst! Lucky for you, nutritional labels won't be mandated on products for 28 years. I’m brimming with tasty, tasty sodium! Yeah, I got your back, buddy.

Now that’s what I’m talking about. This week’s plot and character developments were a long time coming this season. Seriously, did all of you also assume that Peggy’s sister was raising her kid? That was well executed. And I was thrilled to see Rachel Menken again, though obviously still heartbroken. Damn you, Don. It’s also interesting that Peggy and Don have that secret “I have such dirt on you, so don’t piss me off” bond. Now she'll have some nice "hand" at the office. It was a nice touch that she called him “Don” and gave him the knowing look at the end. But Fred’s one-man zipper band will haunt me when I sleep.

Here’s a sneaky peeky at next week’s episode, “Maidenform.” Judging from the title, we can assume that everyone but Peggy is auditioning models for a pointy bra campaign. And Don and Bobbie are still going at it? Boobs.

For more posts by Kristin Ament, including Attention Deficit Theater recaps of all "Mad Men" episodes, click here.

Loved it!
written by PR, August 28, 2008 01:09 AM

Another brilliant recap...thanks!! Don and Bobbie. Don bumping into Rachel. Don counting on Peggy to come to his rescue. Anita pregnant. Betty smugly taking control of what Don eats. Things are really building up... lots of pent up emotions.

another great one
written by latenac, August 28, 2008 07:33 AM

Thank you! I'm glad you liked this one. I was worried from last week's you'll lose interest and then I'll never get to read these again. I loved this episode as well. For me the best scene was the look on Don's face after Peggy called him Don. Priceless.

Damn that Weiner!
written by Damp Duvet, August 28, 2008 08:00 AM

I peed a little when I read "Positively Phelpsian."

And I'll never order steak tartare again.

Ascend!
written by Blisstex, August 28, 2008 08:12 AM

Great recap, Kristin.

Agreed about the tartare, Damp. And I'll also add craisins to my never eat again list. bleck!

what was up with the zipper song? so random!

are we sure?
written by helenoftroy, August 28, 2008 09:13 AM

...that the little one isn't Peggy's babe? I assumed that showing Anita pregnant was to indicate the family's cover story: they're telling everyone she had twins.

great!
written by Kay, August 28, 2008 09:30 AM

Another great recap!

So good to see Mrs. Rachel Menken Katz show up, if only for a moment!

Babe
written by Paris, August 28, 2008 09:43 AM

Helen, my guess is that Peggy did give up the baby. Don made it pretty clear what she should do. And in the episode earlier in this season when Peggy was at Anita's house and was guilted into saying goodnight to the kids, there was only one baby in there who would be around the right age. If you go back and listen to the conversations ("she had a baby and acts like it never happened"), there's never anything that clearly says that Anita has her baby. We all just assumed it because of the clever writing and direction.

Kristen outdoes herself (again)
written by seagirl, August 28, 2008 10:22 AM

I'm starting to look forward to these recaps as much as the show itself - too bad we can't get the ADT to do their own marathon this weekend!

still better than the show
written by rechercher, August 28, 2008 01:54 PM

Loved both this week's big payoffs, plot-wise, and this week's big recap, wisecracks-wise. (Especially the "Au Contraire" from Pete's office couch.)

And now we can all wonder, which kid was it that fell off the swing set and died in Brooklyn...Anita's or Peggy's?

Questions from the Old Girl
written by Midwest Expresso, August 28, 2008 03:30 PM

Attention Deficit Theatre is the best!

I am wondering.....

Could Anita's baby have died during childbirth, with Peggy's waiting in the wings? If it is Anita's, is she making sure that Peggy interacts with him as a constant reminder.

Was Peggy wearing flashier "woman" earrings after her conversation with Bobbie?

Like Don, Pete's baby is a "ho" child! If the baby is in an orphanage, will the Campbells adopt him?

Will Peggy be threatened by the hot new office girl with the college education? Will she feel like an imposter, like Don does?

Did Joan buy herself the diamond to save face? We never see Dr. Wonderful and Joan is, after all, in her (God forbid) 30s.

Both the show and the re-caps are wonderful!

So much for Adam's Curse
written by spawn o'pete, August 28, 2008 04:19 PM

Zounds! Just when I thought that I would be the sole heir to Poppy Campbell's yet-to-be-revealed, somehow-untouched trust fund for his grandchildren (Poppy knew that financial genius and unscrupulousness skips a generation!), I hear that dear old dad's copious liquid sinners have the Phelpsian elongated midpiece and stout, double-jointed flagella.

Ketchup wingman
written by Twisted Spinster, August 28, 2008 07:36 PM

Ahh... great episode, great recap. I especially enjoyed that the last speaker in the recap is... the ketchup bottle.

There's a lot of debate about whether Peggy's or Anita's child died, but I lean toward believing Peggy's child is out there somewhere else as part of another family. Perhaps that could explain part of their mother's hostility toward Anita - if she refused to raise Peggy's child as her own under the false premise that she'd had twins - not out of the question given the timing - Peggy and Anita's mother might resent having had to let a grandchild go to another family, presumably to never be seen again. Just another interpretation.

I'm missing the really rotten old Pete this season, but perhaps the validation of his fertility signals the return of his balls? Because until the lab test, I was almost certain he'd been neutered. No, he's not the nicest guy, but the worst thing he's done this season is say some insensitive things to his wife. Where's our wretched little schemer? Come back, Sneaky Pete, come back. And bring your balls with you.

My God, I'm Still Picking Myself Up Off the Floor From that Recap!
written by michele77, August 28, 2008 08:41 PM

That was even funnier than last week's episode. I loved "Positively Phelpsian." And, the stuff with Bobbie's jacket - just priceless; "Bobbie’s jacket from the last episode: Sweet Jesus. Please leave me at home."

Kristen - after this Matt Weiner will be hiring YOU to write the episodes.

I love Mad Men, but I love it even more because of these recaps. PLEASE keep them coming. Thank's for brightening up the midweek.

Yet another theory
written by Nice Thought Bouquet, August 28, 2008 08:57 PM

Great, great job again, Kristen. Shows that you can still hit a home run even when we get a good episode, and I really liked this one. Of course, we can always count on something like a random musical zipper to lighten things up. How strange was that? I guess those long zippers that were used in men's pants in those days were good for something.

Here's another baby theory. Maybe Anita wanted to adopt Peggy's baby and claim twins, but Peggy would not allow it. Anita's complaining that Peggy "had a baby and then acted like it never happened" could fit that scenario a well. Keeping the baby around to beat Peggy with sounds very Anita-ish. If Peggy came to her senses after Don's visit, she may have realized that the child would have been marked for life by her sister's attitude, even if the community at large swallowed the twin story. Lots of ifs I know, but I'd like to think of Peggy standing up to sister dearest. We all know that Peggy has the balls to do it!

In View of Flashbacks and Such...
written by TJH in NYC, August 29, 2008 01:52 PM

...I'd like to wish each, Anita and Peggy, Happy Labor Day!

Droll, Wilma, very droll.
written by TJ, August 30, 2008 08:04 PM

Given the time period, Pete's swimmers could also be referred to as "Positively Farrellian" in reference to 1960 Olympic gold medalist Jeffrey Farrell.

Did you mean to have Peggy refer to Don by the name Dick? And did Don really ask Peggy, "Do you need someone to bail you out?"

no bronx bombers
written by sonofkato, August 31, 2008 05:40 PM

why don't the mad men ever talk about the yankees?--or the "new york football giants"?...why the big emphasis on some second rate comedian (sort of a shelly berman type)? the athletes of the late 1950s and early 1960s, especially the ones from new york, were the precursors of the current stream of athlete/endorsers--charlie connerly (ny giant football QB) was the original "marlboro man" and of course, mickey mantle and roger maris had their mugs all over the place--in magazines and tv...ok, i'll shut up now...

Where's the salt?
written by PR, September 01, 2008 01:24 AM

Good comment about the athletes, sonofkato. It is unusual that they aren't mentioned.

I just watched the end of episode 5 while waiting for episode 6 and had a laugh as I thought about the ketchup bottle saying, "I got your back, buddy."

...
written by PR, September 01, 2008 12:46 PM

After episode 5 it seemed the show was finally getting its groove back. Episode 6 was a disappointment to me. The opening scene with the pantyhose was a mood killer since I remember that pantyhose were not available until much later. This is when I rely on you most, Kristin, to put your humorous twist on another frustrating episodes.

Epi 6 and gone
written by Ghost of Adam, moving on, September 01, 2008 04:06 PM

Episode 2.6 was an absolute disaster. It jumped the shark so many times even the shark is po'ed. Maybe Weiner only has one story in him and everything is just a version of "The Sopranos". Whoever wrote episode 6 should be permanently set free instead of Duck's dog. What a shame that a show of such promise has become crass, crude, and cruel. Absolutely unwatchable. The first 18 was a good run. I'll keep reading you, Kristin. Please give my best to his Damp-ness.

Panty hose were around from at least 1959
written by Dick Whitman's Whore Child, September 01, 2008 04:12 PM

From Wikipedia, panty hose were in general circulation from 1959:

The actress-dancer Ann Miller devised pantyhose in the early 1940s as a solution to the problem of continual torn stockings during the filming of dance production numbers. The common practice had been to sew hosiery to briefs worn by Miller. If torn, these had to be removed and resewn with a new pair. At Miller's request, hosiery was manufactured for her as a single pantyhose. The first attempt was too short for Miller's long legs; the second try got it right.
In 1959, Allen Gant Sr. of Glen Raven Mills introduced pantyhose. Stocking manufacturers began using circular knitting machines to reduce manual labor and create seam-free stockings. In 1965, Glen Raven Mills introduced a seam-free version of pantyhose, which coincided with the introduction of the miniskirt. The miniskirt made it unfashionable to show the tops of a woman's stockings, and by the end of the decade pantyhose had replaced stockings almost entirely. This also contributed to a marked shift in foundation undergarment sales: younger women stopped buying girdles around this time. In the same period hosiery started adding spandex or elastane to give it stretch superior to crimping nylon. Glen Raven Mills still operates in North Carolina, U.S. as Glen Raven Inc.

Tugging for Nothing
written by Midwest Expresso, September 01, 2008 07:58 PM

I am so depressed about the pantyhose! I remember them first being available around 1968. After wearing a girdle and stockings until then, I almost don't want to know that pantyhose were an alternative.

Pantyhose
written by Nice Thought Bouquet, September 01, 2008 09:14 PM

Don't feel too bad about the pantyhose, Expresso. My mother introduced me to garter belts and stockings in 1969. She had an issue with pantyhose. She thought they were wasteful because you had to throw them away if you got a run, where with stockings, you just threw one stocking away. I finally talked her into giving panythose a try, but it took a while. So, thanks to Mom, I was surprised at the panyhose opener as well.

Now all of the men on this blog are screaming, "Enough already about the pantyhose!"

Fine. Next topic...bras.

Just clearing things up.
written by Pencilla Skirtstein, September 01, 2008 09:14 PM

I think we can all safely assume that any mystery babies are pretty much Sarah Palin's grandma's.

(P.S. on the latest episode: The point where Duck was making up his mind just which was his best friend, dog or drink, and which would get the boot,was terribly touching to me. Yes I am a sap.)

...
written by PR, September 01, 2008 10:15 PM

I agree, Pencilla, it was sad to see the dog go. Also, thanks for clearing up the mystery baby issue.

Bow-Owt
written by TJH in NYC, September 02, 2008 08:57 AM

The only thing I could think of when Chauncey was abandoned was: "Duck's a dick."

Really, Ghost?
written by Blisstex, September 02, 2008 04:49 PM

I didn't think 2.6 was a series-killer at all. The "how we see ourselves, how others see us" theme was a bit heavy-handed, but you can't say the story lines didn't move forward. Pencilla, I also misted up over the dog scene... first when Chauncey seemed to save Duck from the booze, then again when Duck sent him hunting.

I can't believe so many women responded to the panty hose bit. What was that, ten seconds?

Weiner is trouble
written by Stu Juices, September 04, 2008 06:24 PM

Am I the only one who got Kristin's brilliant triple entendre about Peggy's pregnancy?
"We've been hoodwinked! Damn that Weiner!"
Gen-i-us.