When scanning the news, I caught a glimpse of the headline, “Courtney Love to Launch Her Own Perfume” and naturally assumed it was an Onion article. Really, can you imagine a celebrity LESS appropriate to launch a new fragrance? Oh, ha ha ha, my sides split just thinking about it. What? It’s REAL? Sweet Jesus.

So the article seems to be from a fairly legitimate news source. Courtney Love. Perfume. How the mind races. Just what exactly would it smell like? Bad plastic surgery? Freshly made track marks? Early morning gutter vomit? The sweet smell of driving a musical genius to commit suicide in his prime, thereby robbing generations of some of the most inspired songwriting ever? I’ll bet that one would have gentle notes of sandalwood and apple blossom.

Almost just as unfortunate is how Courtney is going about this – by “reading a lot of books and attending a lot of marketing conferences.” Oooh, look out, marketers of America. This one is gonna be a force to be reckoned with, I tell ya. Oh, and she’s also doing Buddhist chanting and stretching herself out on Pilates equipment. Wow, the makeover is nearly complete. How credible she is now. And ladylike.

Now, I’ll admit that in college, I went through a brief White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor phase. I guess I wanted to smell like wigs, divorce attorneys and Michael Jackson’s llama. And I think some celebrities can successfully pull off entry into the market. Sarah Jessica Parker is a style icon, so her line makes sense. J-Lo has a strong enough image to make “Glow” a success, though from the look of this ad, I figure it just smells like one big ol’ airbrush.

However, Antonio Banderas’ career regarding anything where he’s not Puss-in-Boots seems to be headed toward El Crapper, so it’s no surprise that his Spirit fragrances now are available at a Walgreens near you. And lord knows that with the possible exception of random drug test results, there’s not a thing left on the planet that Britney could be Curious about, so we'll see where that perfume ends up.

According to recent research, mass fragrance sales in the U.S. are predicted to decline 25% by 2010 as the celebrity trend weakens. Did you hear that, Courtney? The trend is WEAKENING. Like your veins.

Do you think celebrity fragrances are still a viable market? Are they really legitimate brand extensions? And, can you think of any celebrity fragrance you’d be LESS inclined to sport than one bearing the name of Courtney Love? My skin is breaking out just thinking about it.

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